Tag Archives: menopause

It Feels Like I Am Pulling Myself Out Of Quicksand

Today’s post in not originally what I wanted to write about.  I was going to write about my pumpkin muffin recipe, but I just can’t write an upbeat post today.

Sunday was the beginning of an episode of peri menopause that is frustrating me beyond belief. If you have read this blog for long you have read about my journey with peri menopause. I have been feeling hot flashes consistently since September. I can sit down on the couch and begin writing my blog. I feel this overwhelming flash of heat come over me. The sweat beads onto my forehead and neck.  It becomes so wet that the sweat drips down my face and I need a small towel to wipe it off.

I am at the point of my cycle that my period should start soon.  I started feeling the exhaustion coming on last week, but the deep crippling exhaustion began on Sunday. I woke up Sunday morning and worked on the garden.  I was so exhausted when I finished, I barely vacuumed my house and made dinner. It took all my strength to get my laundry at least into the dryer.  Today is Tuesday and my laundry is still in the dryer.

I sleep the sleep of the dead at this time of the month. It is not the kind of sleep that restores energy. It makes me even more tired.  Monday I went to work. I only work 2 days a week, 4 hours a day.  By the time I left I was so exhausted that I wanted to pull over on the drive home to fall asleep. It is only a 20 minuted drive!  My feet hurt so bad from work.  My body aches in the joints and muscles.

I get so irritable and depressed at this time.  I can’t focus on any tasks, reading, or even writing. I cry at the drop of a hat.

I have been desperate over the years. I have researched so many things that are supposed to help. I have spoken to all three doctors that I have seen in three years.  I may as well have spit in the wind.  Everyone looks at my weight and that is all they see. I have tried black cohash and progesterone cream. I received some easing of the symptoms with the use of both and each one individually.  Eventually the symptoms receded and I felt better.

I made several changes that seemed to help. The first is walking 4 or more days a week or about an hour per day. Unfortunately the Florida heat became way to much for me and I had to stop from August until October.  It doesn’t help that my feet are so bad that after walking 2 days in a row I am nearly in tears as I walk.

I stopped drinking more than one cup of coffee a day and most soda. I replaced these with a combination of half green tea and half passionflower tea.  I had lost some weight and that helped, but gained it back when I stopped walking. I didn’t over eat. I actually ate normally and still gained. I have a hard time drinking my tea as I babysit my granddaughter as she wants to drink my tea too. The only issue with this is she wants the cup I am drinking out of and gets quite upset when she can’t have it.

This brings me to one other issue. Babysitting and not falling asleep while I watch a nearly two year old. This just makes me crazy!

Anyway, I have no one to blame for the recurrence of the worst of my symptoms. I stopped exercising, drinking the tea mix, am drinking up to two sodas a day, and I have increased my coffee intake on the days I watch my granddaughter. Oh and gaining weight sure didn’t help. Somehow I have to get back on the road that gave me relief.  To do this is like pulling myself out of quicksand.  I know not to struggle, but I can’t help it.  I have to get free somehow. The worse thing about this is it is like a snowball rolling down hill. I stopped walking because of the heat, I gained weight, I drank soda and coffee to get energy.  This all leads to the exhaustion and lack of energy that needs to more caffeine and sugar.  It just gets harder and harder.

By next week at this time I will be nearly be back to normal, but until then I just want to give up and crawl into a ball and cry. I can’t seem to get my doctors to understand how debilitating this is.  I can’t lose weight if I can’t exercise and can’t focus.  I can’t move forward with my health if I can barely get the energy it takes to get out of bed at this time of the month.  Nor do I get more endurance if every time I get stronger I stop for 7 days until I can scrape up the energy to move. I stop walking for a couple of days and it is as if I am at day one starting all over again.

Anyway.  I don’t like writing negative posts, but this blog is about this road I am walking.  Money and health are both parts of this road.

Another Rough Day Living With Peri Menopause

Not sure how to write this today.  Aunt Flo came to visit and spoiled my plans last Friday.  I was so surprised that my body was not slowing down and demanding naps that I even mentioned it to my husband.  I was so wrong.  I have taken naps since Tuesday.  I even attempted two in one day.

I am bone tired.  Motivation is not even in my vocabulary.  I am sure I am not alone with dealing with Peri Menopause, but it seems as if I am.  It is such a battle.  No one really understands unless they are going through it and no one really wants to.  The things I want to accomplish don’t get done.  In reality nothing gets done.

The worse two symptoms for me are the exhaustion around my period and the hot flashes.  The hot flashes, because even when the weather is cooler I wear my hair up so that I don’t feel as hot.  I sleep with a fan blowing cool air onto my side of the bed.  Hot flashes leave me alone then.

The exhaustion is the hardest to deal with.  It hits me like a lead balloon out of nowhere.  I am running smoothly, keeping up with my world and then whoosh I am in bed sleeping.  When I am that tired my thoughts are not clear.   I eat more to get some energy.  I have to force myself to even read a book as something as simple as that is to much effort.

The symptoms are nearly akin to depression.  I do get sad thoughts at the time, but I know, from  experience, this is going to pass as soon as my period is over and I am able to take my progesterone.

The first symptom I had was crankiness.  I chalked that up to stress.  The second was I was hotter than normal.  I couldn’t tell if my office was hot or if it was just me. I used to be the “cold” one in the room.  Now I am the one wearing tank tops while the temperature is in the low 70’s.   I was working and didn’t have the energy to clean my house.  I didn’t have the energy to do much of anything.

I lost my job in 2009.  I realized something was wrong and had no idea what to do.  My doctor told me I was going through Peri menopause.  I was just glad to have some idea what was happening to me.  Googling it helped me to understand it better than the term.

I was still very cranky.  I found black cohash to help relieve my meanness. That was what it was.  My poor husband took so much verbal abuse.  I hated myself for being so mean to him.  He never deserved it.   I took one black cohash a day and it stopped my mood swings.  It helps to exercise, but that is getting just a bit more difficult.  I get tired of sweat pouring down my face.  I can’t stand being so tired I can’t think clearly.

A couple of months ago I put myself on Progesterone and that has been a life saver.  I think clearer and can even write this blog without sounding nuts.

I wish I could write this with witty banter of how I feel, but wittiness doesn’t come.  I just want to cry.  It used to be 2 weeks a month I felt like poo.  Now it is only one.  That is an improvement.

I was told this could last for three years or more.  Since the first symptoms started in 2008, I am in year five.  I am just ready for it to end.

I have researched food items to eat to relieve perimenopause, but even that is hard when you have to cook for two.  Thank god for black cohash, progesterone, and vitamin d.  These seem to be the best answer for me.