Valentine’s day is past. How was yours? Mine was spent grocery shopping and alone. My husband was working and did not come home until after midnight. I don’t mind because Saturday will be our “special” time.
When I was younger, even 5 years ago, I expected so much. I expected dinner out. I wanted flowers or a gift. I usually got the dinner out. I rarely got flowers or a gift. When our kids were little my husband would bring home a plant. Now a plant is not what most women want for Valentines day. I wanted flowers. A single rose would even make it. He thought that flowers die and plants go on and on. Not with my black thumb for houseplants they don’t. I made sarcastic remarks for years until he finally got me some flowers. They were beautiful, but they weren’t that special something because the thought behind them was to stop me from complaining. I made him feel like he wasn’t measuring up because I thought he didn’t think I measured up because he didn’t do something special on Valentines day.
The thing is men and women don’t always think about the same things or even the same things the same way. Chris thought a flowering plant would remind me always that he loved me and I wanted a flower that said the same thing for a while. I already knew that he loved me always. I just wanted to be special for a while.
We all want to be treated like we are special. Like we matter to another human being more than anyone. When we have small kids, we women want to be treated like we matter, that what we do counts. We want a pat on the back, someone to take the load off of our minds and tell us how amazing we are at what we are doing. We want that small gesture that is so sweet and unforced. This is even worse when we work outside of the home. We are torn in all kinds of directions. We need the appreciation all the more from that special person in our lives.
Most men, at least most of the ones I know, love their families. The majority of what they do is for their wives and kids. It is just that their mind is on the job, the traffic, the bills, etc. They just expect the rest of it to run well because we usually make their lives run smoothly.
We drop hints and do nice things for them only to be disappointed that they didn’t do something nearly as sweet as we did for them. There are two problems with this thought process.
One, they can’t read our minds. they have no idea that when we drop hints about the bracelet that is on sale or an amazing Italian restaurant we have always wanted to eat at, that it means we would like that bracelet or to have dinner at that Italian restaurant.
Two, we can’t do something awesome for them expecting something in return. When we give him a massage, pick up his favorite beer, or just do things so he doesn’t have to, we should be doing it for the joy it brings them. Not so that we get something in return.
I am not a fan of Valentines day. Aisha Tyler said it best in one of her stand up routines. Paraphrasing, “Women think this is the year I’ll get diamonds and the guys think this is the year I’ll get a blow job! Every one is just disappointed!” Yes, it is a little crude,but true. Both sexes have unrealistic expectations for one day of the year.
It is nice that the greeting card companies, chocolate companies, and florists make a lot of money as that helps the economy. I just think it would be better to show each other how much we love and appreciate each other all year. Not just on February 14th.
We are eating in on Saturday. I found my husband’s favorite food on sale yesterday on my grocery shopping. We will have Crab legs, cheddar biscuits, and a salad or veggie. We will relax and just enjoy each other for the night. The gift Chris is giving me is the greatest of all. Instead of buying me something he is investing in me by putting money is my saving for starting my home based business. That is unless I can find a steamer for furniture really cheap. Either way it makes me happy.